Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Sabotage

Unless you are a single person who lives and works alone and never eats with other people, you will have plenty of hours in your life spent having meals with your family, husband or wife, co-workers or maybe even clients and roommates. When you are dieting those around you could purposely or unconsciously sabotage your efforts to eat healthy and lose weight.

Sabotage is one of the things I talk about in my weight loss classes. It seems like a big word for what may be perceived as an easy problem to deal with but I think it fits the bill perfectly.

If you are a heavy person living with one of those people who can eat whatever they want (and they do!) while you're trying to cut back on unhealthy choices, it's like an accident waiting to happen. If you know your skinny husband (or insert whoever you wish) has a half gallon of Dreyer's Double Fudge Brownie in the freezer and he is eating it in front of you daily, chances are you are going to have some too from temptation.

I have a newish client who needs to lose around 100 lbs. Her husband is a bigger guy and probably weighs as much as she does. She is really determined to reach her goals but he is the one who shops and cooks because he works at home. She mentioned to me the other day that her husband keeps bringing home cakes and pies from the store. And, of course, it's hard for her not to eat them because she's a sugar person.

Her husband is really supportive of her weight loss goals and he was the one who initially contacted me to work with his wife. He wants her to succeed and yet he is committing these acts of sabotage against his wife. I'm not sure he realizes that he is doing it. He definitely needs to drop at least 50 lbs. of body fat himself so it's not just his wife who needs the weight loss.

In this situation it's an overweight person doing the sabotaging, not a skinny person. The real problem is that there are two sugar addicts in the same house, one the dealer and one the customer.

So I told her that she needs to be very clear with her husband about what he is doing by bringing in cakes and pies, etc. to the house. It's impossible for her to say "no" when he's eating it and serving it to her.

I gave her some practical advice if she wasn't willing to have the conversation with him: to dump the offending foods in the garbage or disposal as soon as he brings it home from the store to prove a point. OR to have ONE PIECE and then immediately throw the rest away in the outside garbage can. She thought the latter was a great idea but I think the former is the better option.

Neither of them are ever going to reach their goals with how things are right now. If it keeps happening, then I will have a short but sweet conversation with the husband and tell him my concern. It's a sticky situation but I am determined to help my client.

They are addicts and they need to treat themselves like addicts. Which means they cannot have food like that in the house...at least until they learn to keep their addiction under control.

If you are someone who has a saboteur in your life I hope my tips for my client are helpful for you.

16 comments:

Robert Kaufer said...

Eating a fitness/wellness diet can sometimes be very challenging with the family.

It is important to have everyone on board.

Good post.

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Lisa M. McLellan said...

Excellent post Sabrina. This is common with a lot of addictions. I have seen this type of thing with cigarette smokers and drinkers as well. I had a friend with an alcoholic boyfriend. He was trying to become sober but she would drink in front of him all the time. Her reasoning was "why should I have to suffer because he can't drink?" UGH!!!
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gr8skot said...

We are complex creatures that is for sure. It is difficult enough dealing with self sabotage, then we have our loved ones making things difficult as well. And they often do not realize what they are doing.

Make it a great one!

Scott Bell


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Susan said...

Life would be so much easier if everyone could stay on the same page regarding goals, especially spouses. However, in the real world, it often doesn't go that way.
In this situation, the husband may not realize that he is sabotaging his wife. If she cannot speak to him about what she needs to succeed, her professional coach will need to step in (only if she agrees however). He may take the advice of a professional over his wife's suggestions much more willingly.
There is also the matter of lack of understanding. Maybe they only eat two pies a week instead of six so they think they are doing better. This is a good step, but it needs to keep progressing (and quickly). Definitely time for a chat.
Sue Crutcher, Baby Steps to Success Expert.

Cindy Eyanson said...

Nice post! Enabling is never good!
Cindy

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Lena Milukh said...

my biggest temptation is chocolate...and this is regardless of others eating or not eating it.
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Jennifer Skinner said...

Sabrina-
For me it's going out with a group of friends that's hard. It seems no one really wants to support someone's diet while on the town. That's why I like intermittent fasting. Makes my life easier. :-)

Jennifer Skinner
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Matthew Shields said...

Hi , Sabrina
That would be a very difficult position to be put in. Living with a dealer…I like how you framed that
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Matthew Shields
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David J Parnell said...

This is a really smart communication Sabrina... Realizing that this may be an issue can set yourself up for success by handling it before you in a tough spot...


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Trisha said...

Sabotage...dammit I hate that word!

Midlife Dating Expert, Singles Workshop Conference Speaker said...

fabulous post, lady!

thanks!

All the best,

April Braswell

Online Dating Expert, Romantic Relationship Coach, Romance Coaching

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Midlife Dating Expert, Singles Workshop Conference Speaker said...

wonderful relationship communication coaching for her weight loss and even marriage success.

he also has a vested interest in her staying the same even though logically he loves her wants to be supportive of her losing that much weight.

part of him doesn't and might be afraid of losing her, etc.

do you address that aspect as well with your clients, Sabrina? Curious because I know you are such a sage expert, very sophisticated and REAL!

All the best,

April Braswell

Online Dating Expert, Romantic Relationship Coach, Romance Coaching

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Tim Birch said...

That explains the extra 50 ponds i am lugging around.

Tim
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RobFromGa said...
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RobFromGa said...
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RobFromGa said...

My alcohol addiction was much easier to break (5 years sober) than eating. With alcohol, I made the decision to NOT drink any more alcohol. It is an on/off decision. I can be around drinkers and drinking, and I am ok (except on election day, I really wanted one but didn't give in).

With food, we need to control it and we can't just NOT eat. Much more difficult. For me, the only thing that has ever worked is to exercise first thing in the morning, this sets me up with this as the most important thing of the day.

Of course, I'm not doing it every day like I should, and I've gained back 40 pounds since May but I know what I need to do to get back on track. There is no mystery...

When I exercise I will also watch what I eat almost automatically.

Seize the Day,
Rob